No Shelter Trilogy (Omnibus, Books 1-3) Read online

  “We have sleeping bags,” he replies.

  Their conversation fades into the darkness as a hollow sensation takes hold of me. I caught a few fat lizards after we left the base, but I’m still losing weight. My jawbone and my ribs are beginning to cut against my skin. This morning I found a tangle of black hair stuck to my sleeping bag. I’m dead in this desert.

  I stop suddenly. “I can’t,” I whisper.

  Daedric and Mary appear confused.

  “I need to rest,” I say as I let my backpack fall behind me. “I need more than one night.”

  We find a small cluster of Joshua trees next to a large boulder, which should shelter us from the harsh desert winds that will arrive in the night. Daedric lays out my sleeping bag as I kick off my boots. I crawl inside and he brings me the last gallon of water. I take a few sips and by the time he’s placed the bottle back in his backpack I’m asleep.

  In my dream, Isaac stands across a long table laden with exquisite foods and pitchers of ice water. I approach the table, but Isaac stays still. I reach the table and my stomach falls. All the food is moldy and the water is a murky gray. Isaac stays still. I pass the molded cakes and salads as I make my way to him. He’s not alone. There’s someone behind him, but neither Isaac nor this other person will look at me. It’s as if I don’t exist. I hold out my hands in front of my face and my heart thumps madly. My hands are gone.

  I wake with a start and Isaac is sitting next to me.

  “Isaac?” I whisper.

  He shifts and the light of the fire illuminates Daedric’s face. “You were having a nightmare,” he says. “Are you okay?”

  I’m shivering with cold, but my face is warm with shame. “I’m fine,” I say. “I’m just cold.”

  “Let me see your hands,” Daedric says.

  I extract my arms from the sleeping bag and he takes them. He rubs my hands between his and somehow my entire body is warm.

  “You were screaming,” he says. “You kept saying, ‘Where are my hands?’”

  “I was disappearing,” I say, as he lets go and I tuck my arms back into my sleeping bag. “I was scared.”

  “I’m going to hunt with Mary in the morning,” he says. “You’re going to stay here.”

  His accent is gone.

  I nod and he kisses my forehead before he goes back to his sleeping bag.

  Daedric and Mary catch a large lizard and two desert hares without me. After three nights of rest and a whole lot of barbecued hare and cactus salad, I feel like a new person.

  We cover another twenty miles through the mountains before we hit another snowstorm near what used to be Big Bear City. We take refuge in a small cave and quickly build a fire. The cave is so small only two sleeping bags fit and the fresh snow keeps blowing in and dampening the firewood.

  “I’ll use my jacket to cover the entrance,” Daedric says as he slips off his coat.

  “It will be soaked or frozen in the morning,” I say. “I have an extra sweater I can wear tomorrow. We can use my jacket to cover it up.”

  Mary rolls her eyes. “Why don’t we just use the extra sleeping bag then no one has to freeze tomorrow?”

  Daedric tucks the corners of his sleeping bag into the tight crevices around the entrance of the cave to block the snow and protect the fire. He leaves a crack open to let the smoke escape. Our little dwelling begins to warm up quickly.

  “It’s a freaking sweat lodge in here,” I say, as I strip to my undershirt.

  Daedric sticks his arm through the crack and grabs a handful of snow. He sprinkles it around the edges of fire to temper the flames.

  “A fire this small will burn out in a few hours tops,” he says to Mary. “You’re going to freeze if you don’t double up your sleeping bag.”

  Mary shakes her head as she starts sharpening her machete. “I’d rather be a little cold than covered in snow when I wake up. Leave the bag where it is.”

  I don’t argue with Mary when she’s holding a knife and it seems Daedric has the same idea. He slips into my sleeping bag without another word.

  He puts his arm around my waist and I can feel his breath on the back of my ear.

  “I’m going to check on her during the night,” he whispers in my ear so Mary can’t hear him.

  I can’t help but smile. “And that’s why I love you,” I whisper.

  He chuckles as he pulls me closer and plants a kiss on my cheek. “I’m still not letting you touch my butt.”

  I elbow him in the ribs and he tickles my sides.

  I flail wildly inside the sleeping bag. “Stop!”

  He stops tickling me, but I’m still giggling as I attempt to catch my breath.

  “Can you guys keep it down?” Mary says.

  “Yeah, keep it down, Nada,” he says.

  I try not to laugh as I position myself comfortably inside the cocoon where Daedric and I have metamorphosed into something brilliant.

  Daedric wakes me in the middle of the night as he slips out of the sleeping bag. A rush of bitter air slinks over my bare skin and goose bumps sprout over my entire body.

  He crawls to Mary and shakes her shoulder. “Mary?” he whispers, but she doesn’t respond. “Mary, wake up.”

  She moves her head a little and blinks her eyes. “What time is it?”

  “Let me see your hands and feet,” Daedric insists, his breath coming out in steamy puffs.

  “What are you talking about?” Mary says. “What’s going on?”

  “Your hands and feet… let me check them for frostbite,” he replies. “Hurry up. It’s colder than a Yankee’s heart in here.”

  She slowly unzips her sleeping bag and shows Daedric her hands. “See. Perfect,” she says before she pulls her feet out. She removes her socks. Her toenails on her right foot are white and the biggest and smallest toes are yellow with screaming red blisters. “What the hell!”

  “Put your socks back on,” Daedric commands as he turns around to get the fire started.

  I pull on my jacket and quickly begin rummaging through my backpack for an extra pair of socks. I throw them to Mary and she immediately slips them on.

  “Jesus Christ! Am I gonna lose mah toe!” she cries, her old Southern accent creeping in again.

  Daedric doesn’t reply as he throws a burning match into the fire and quickly strikes another. “Put your feet by the fire, but not too close,” he says, as he snatches Mary’s jacket from on top of her backpack and hands it to her. “Put this on.”

  For the first time in the eleven months I’ve known Mary, she cries. Her sobs are wrought with panic as she rubs her toe.

  “Don’t warm it up too fast,” Daedric insists.

  “It hurts!” she cries.

  I pull the sleeping bag out from under me and wrap it around her shoulders.

  She throws it off and glares at me. “Why are we here?” she shouts.

  “What?”

  “You’ve obviously moved on,” she says, glancing at Daedric. “Why are you still going back for Isaac? I want to know before I lose any more limbs.”

  “You’re the one who insisted on coming,” I say.

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  Daedric is rummaging through his backpack for something, but I know he’s listening. Mary’s legs bounce up and down as she tries to warm up, but her eyes are locked on mine.

  “Isaac is my best friend,” I reply, as I lay my sleeping bag on the floor. “That doesn’t change just because he’s a prisoner or because we found a shelter. He saved my life more times than I can count. He deserves this.”

  Mary shakes her head as she wipes the tears from her cheeks. “He deserves it or you deserve it?”

  I want to ask her why she’s here. Isaac made it pretty clear he was finished with her during our journey to the Salton Sea to rescue Elysia. Has Mary truly forgiven Isaac for breaking her heart or is she secretly wishing they’d get back together once Isaac finds out about Daedric and I?

  “He’s probably dead,” Mary whispe
rs, as if she’s spoken a dirty secret.

  Daedric hands Mary and I some desert hare jerky, but I refuse mine.

  Mary has spoken the words on all our minds. The words that I haven’t wanted to say for fear that I’ll lose my motivation to go forth. Now the doubts slither through the crevices of my mind like smoke, choking all optimism.

  CHAPTER 5

  “We can’t stay here,” Daedric says. “This cave is too small. We need to try to find an abandoned building to protect us from the snow.”

  I look up to find him staring at my neck where I’m fiddling with the necklace Isaac gave me in hopes of winning my affections. I tuck the S-shaped pendant back inside my shirt.

  “Let’s go,” I say, as I roll up my sleeping bag.

  Mary attempts to slip her foot into her boot, but she can only get it halfway in before her face flushes red with pain.

  “Gah!” she screams as she throws her boot across the small cave where it nearly hits me. “I don’t want to be here!”

  I crawl out of the cave and storm off into the forest. Within seconds Daedric is right behind me.

  “I’m just looking for a branch,” I say without looking back. “She needs a crutch.”

  “Screw the crutch,” Daedric says and I finally look back. “I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to offend you, but Mary’s right. These mountains may have water, but we’re lucky if we make it out of here in one piece… or even alive.”

  I pretend to look for a branch though I can’t really see anything through the haze of anger clouding my vision. I take deep breaths to calm myself.

  “Fine. Stay here or go back. I don’t care,” I reply calmly.

  Daedric walks in front of me so he can see my face. His expression is incredulous, but I remain calm.

  “Are you serious?” he cries. “We can’t even talk about this? You’re just gonna shut down?”

  I swallow the lump building in my throat. Daedric doesn’t know me. The only way to survive sometimes is to detach yourself from the scary stuff. The stuff that will break you if you dwell on it, like mothers dying and fathers leaving.

  I can’t be like my father.

  “You don’t have to come with me. I… I want you to come, but you don’t have to.”

  Daedric still looks confused, but his face softens. “I know I don’t have to be here. I’m here because I want to be here. Isaac helped me get my sister back and I can’t let you do this alone, but you have to recognize the risk.”

  I can feel the stony expression on my face crumbling. “I can’t,” I say. “I can’t allow myself to think like that. I’m sorry.”

  Daedric wraps his arms around me and my eyes burn with fresh tears. He holds me for a while before I pull away.

  “I have to hunt,” I say. “Can you find a crutch for her?”

  Daedric nods. “What about your gloves?”

  “I’ll be fine,” I say, before I head farther into the forest and further away from Daedric and Mary’s doubts.

  I hunt like a savage. I climb fifteen feet into a pine tree to capture a squirrel and a horned owl. Then I scoop a frightened rabbit out of its hole beneath a fallen tree. The owl is old, so we eat him first and save the squirrel and rabbit for our next stop. There’s no need to make jerky. The meat will stay fresh in these freezing conditions.

  Daedric fashions a crutch out of a solid pine branch. He wraps the top of the branch in pine needles for cushioning then wraps the needles with duct tape. He wraps three socks around Mary’s foot then wraps it in duct tape to keep it dry and we set off.

  Our pace has slowed considerably now that Mary must slide or crawl down the steep mountainsides. Though the snow makes it less difficult for her to slide down the mountainsides, it makes the hiking considerably more challenging. In three hours we cover less than five miles.

  We finally find an old snow tractor warehouse and we quickly make our way to a small office area inside the warehouse.

  “We can build the fire in the warehouse then we’ll sleep in here,” Daedric says, as we set our backpacks on the floor.

  I try to help Mary sit, but she shoos me away.

  “There’s a campground a few miles from here,” I say. “If we follow the trail we can make it there in a couple of hours. We should keep going.”

  Mary props her leg on her backpack and leans back again the wall of the office. “You keep going,” she says.

  She pulls out her knife with the ivory handle and begins sharpening it on her sharpening steel. Every grind of the steel against the blade burrows beneath my skin.

  I follow Daedric into the warehouse and he quickly finds a spot to build the fire next to a broken window where the smoke can escape.

  “You have to give her some time to heal,” Daedric says, as we search the forest for dry wood.

  “Heal from what? The frostbite or the heartache?”

  Daedric appears disappointed in my remark.

  “What? I feel like she’s just angry because she’s starting to realize she came all the way out here for someone who basically used her and threw her away.”

  “You’re out here for the same person,” he replies.

  “Yeah, but he didn’t use me.”

  Daedric raises his eyebrows as if he doesn’t buy this.

  “You think Isaac used me?”

  “Can we talk about something else?”

  “No. I want to know if you think Isaac used me.”

  Daedric gathers the bundle of firewood we’ve collected in his arms and begins heading back to the warehouse. “I don’t think he used you,” he says. “But I think he worked one over on you with that necklace.”

  “Worked one over on me? He risked his life to get back something that belonged to my mother.”

  “He risked everyone’s life when he stole that necklace.”

  “He didn’t steal it. He took it back from Vic, who stole it from me!”

  “Whatever, Nada,” Daedric replies as we enter the warehouse. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  He throws down the wood and I head back to the office. Mary is sitting in the corner of the office with her sharpened knife resting against the inside of her forearm. Before I can say anything, she slices into her skin as if it were game meat.

  “What are you doing?” I shout and she drops the knife.

  She tries to pull down her shirt to cover the cut, but I grab her arm. We struggle as I try to push her sleeve up. Blood is seeping through her white thermal and she finally gives up.

  I tear off my scarf and wrap it around her arm. She lies down while I search through Daedric’s backpack for something to clean her wound. She doesn’t make a sound, but plump tears roll continuously from her eyes. Daedric walks in and sees me rummaging through his pack.

  “What’s going on?” he says.

  “Do you have antiseptic?” I reply.

  He shakes his head. “It’s gone,” he says. “The scavengers took it with all the food. What do you need it for?”

  I nod toward Mary. It takes him a moment before he notices the scarf tied around her arm and the bloody knife on the floor.

  “Come with me,” he says.

  I follow him into the warehouse and he leads me toward the fire. He glances around before he finds a crowbar.

  “Here,” he says, handing me the crowbar. “Put her out of her misery.”

  “What?”

  “I’m only kidding,” he says. “Hold the tip over the fire and we’ll cauterize the cut.”

  “That wasn’t funny,” I say, as I snatch the crowbar from him.

  Daedric shrugs as he walks back to the office.

  I clean off the sharp end of the crowbar then hold it over the fire until it glows red. I take it into the office and hand it to Daedric. He slides the scarf off Mary’s arm and holds the red tip of the crowbar an inch from her skin. She never moves or questions our actions. She just lies there damaged and blind to her surroundings.

  I hold my breath as Daedric quickly sticks the h
ot crowbar into Mary’s cut. She screams and writhes and Daedric throws the crowbar aside so he can hold her still.

  “It’s over!” he shouts over her screams. “It’s okay. It’s over.”

  She writhes under his grasp, but she quickly loses her strength and gives up.

  “It’s not okay,” she whispers, as she holds her arm tightly to her breast.

  The smell of burned flesh makes my stomach churn. The burn is nastier than the cut, but at least the cut is no longer bleeding. Daedric pulls one of his undershirts out of his backpack and wraps it around Mary’s arm. He pulls off his scarf and hands it to me.

  “You can use mine,” he says.

  He leaves the office without another word.

  With Mary incapacitated, I have to butcher the dead squirrel I caught this morning. I don’t do as good a job as Mary. Squirrels hardly have any meat as it is and my butchering skills have left us with just enough for one person. I do a little better on the rabbit, but my frustration hits a breaking point when my knife slips and I accidentally spill the contents of the rabbit’s intestines all over the meat.

  “Crap!” I yell, as I carry the rabbit outside to clean it off with some snow.

  “That’s crap, all right,” Daedric remarks, as he follows me outside to help me.

  I’m furious, but I can’t help but laugh.

  “Ah, see… I knew I’d get you to laugh somehow.”

  I take the rabbit inside and begin skewering the meat. Mary trudges out of the office and takes a seat next to me. I hand her a skewer of rabbit meat and she holds it over the fire with her good arm.

  “You okay?” I ask.

  She nods and the three of us eat in silence. When we’re finished, we retreat to the office.

  “You two should share a sleeping bag so your foot doesn’t get worse,” Daedric suggests to Mary.

  She nods again. Mary and I sleep back to back in her sleeping bag with her facing the wall while I face Daedric. The hood of his sweatshirt is covering his head, but I can barely glimpse a smile on his face.

  CHAPTER 6

  When the morning comes, I slide out of Mary’s sleeping bag and her eyes flutter open. Her eyes are pink and puffy like she’s been crying all night. She sucks in a deep breath as she sits up and her chest quivers.